Tuesday, 15 December 2009

Berlusconi warned: Next time it won't be a model

Renowned Italian bikini contest judge / Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi has been warned by protestors that Sunday's attack using a model of Milan Cathedral was merely a scaled-down dress rehearsal...

Friday, 11 December 2009

'Hilarious' guy from accounts actually has bleak existence

Ask anyone on the fourth floor of Ryman House in Crewe who their favourite comedian is and you won't get the usual answer...

Thursday, 10 December 2009

Queen to mime Christmas speech to allow for break dance routine

Sources at Buckingham Palace have revealed that the Queen is planning to lip-synch this year's Christmas Speech in order to debut a series of 'retarded dance moves'.

Wednesday, 9 December 2009

US 'no closer to finding Bin Laden' despite Oprah appearance

The top US commander in Afghanistan has admitted that he 'hasn't the faintest idea' where Osama Bin Laden is just hours after the al-Qaeda leader gave the clearest indication yet of his whereabouts by appearing on the Oprah Winfrey Show...

Tuesday, 8 December 2009

White chocolate (1931-2009)

After nearly 80 years of disappointment, white chocolate has officially been disbanded following a unanimous vote at yesterday's Annual Chocolatiers' Symposium in Inverness...

Monday, 7 December 2009

BBC spends £6m per year keeping Forsyth alive

An independent audit of the BBC has discovered that just over £6m of annual license fee money is invested in prolonging the life of bawdy national treasure Bruce Forsyth...

Friday, 4 December 2009

X-Factor semi-finalists 'confused and upset' at Crash Test Dummies week

The remaining contestants in this year's X-Factor are reeling from the news that this weekend's show will be Crash Test Dummies Week, requiring them to perform two numbers by the forgotten Canadian folk/rock band...